Steve: Corrupt politician, college drop-out, and lover of cat nip

The tale of Steve The Cat is, if anything, one of inspiration.

Steve was a lowly dumpster kitten, fending for himself among a pack of wild kittens in the back parking lot of the Plus One Pizza where Mr. Owen worked. Mr. Owen says Steve was the only pint-sized cat out of the bunch that came right up to him. Granted, Mr. Owen was holding a large , thick-crust mushroom and bacon pizza at the time, but nevermind that. In any case, the others were too afraid to approach him, but Steve… Steve was brave.

That was when Mr. Owen decided to name him after the great Steve McQueen. (And, also, to puzzle people by giving a cat a real name.)

He took Steve in the car and went to pick his amazingly intelligent sister up from her summer job at Arbys. Mr. Owen had gone into the restaurant to find her, but she got to the car first. Nearly sitting down on Steve, she screamed. Her brother came outside, and she said, “Hey… There’s a cat in our car.”

Steve started college a year later, but he cut classes too much and his sophomore year, he was kicked out by campus housing officials. His housemates each had to pay a $10 fine for supporting the then-deadbeat student, but some said it was the best $10 they’d ever spent. Others grumbled about losing that week’s pizza money, and asked Mr. Owen if he still had any connections in “the biz”.

Steve later made a run for president through a highly-successful facebook campaign, but was exposed as being prejudiced against the people of China for their use of his kind of some traditional dishes. This scandal was Steve’s fall from grace, and from the public eye.

He sought refuge in the home of Mr. and Mrs. W, returning to college for one week only, after Mrs. W got tired of him tripping her on her way to the kitchen each morning. His return was celebrated, but short-lived, and he rushed back out of the spotlight and into hiding again.

Today, Steve resides in a duplex near downtown Columbus, specifically on a bed he doesn’t like to leave, since he is afraid of the downstairs. However, he can be bribed with Meow Mix. Some things never change in the lives of politicians, and Steve is no exception. 


2 thoughts on “Steve: Corrupt politician, college drop-out, and lover of cat nip

  1. You forgot to mention his domestic abuse scandal! He flies off the handle and scratches housemates without warning.

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