Trusting my instincts

This weekend I went shopping with my friend Jessi from college and met her friend, had dinner and a movie with Christine, with whom I attended Muskingum for only one semester, yet we’ve kept in touch. I had breakfast with Eileen, who afterward spontaneously decided to drive down to Cincinnati with me for a Plum St. Productions meeting. It was a great weekend filled with girl time and good conversation. It’s something I’ve been lucky enough to experience a lot of lately and I’m  feeling grateful for that. Really grateful, actually.

I had a work conference all day Friday, and I ended up missing an SNP going away party that night. SNP continues to have going away parties for people I worked with there, and I never cease to be amazed that there are still people I knew leaving. I was extremely disappointed I missed the party, and went home feeling dejected and exhausted. I also had to work Saturday, but got a break early in the day, allowing me to see Jessi, who was down from Cleveland for the day, shopping at Easton. My conference was at Easton, so she and I, along with her friend Shellie, walked around together. I got to have a good heart to heart with Jessi, who can relate to my life situation these days. Breaking up is hard to do, kids. She’s a trouper, though. And I enjoyed meeting Shellie, who was very pleasant and easy to talk to.

Later Saturday evening I stayed at Easton where Christine met up with me. She and I had planned on getting dinner at Max & Erma’s but while waiting for a table, we spontaneously decided to go see “Avatar” and have AMC food for dinner instead. She’d already seen it, and was so dismayed that I hadn’t yet that she insisted we see it right then, even if it was no longer available in 3-D. I didn’t realize how long that movie was going to be, but it was pretty good. My cousin described it as “Fern Gully” meets “The Matrix” and I can totally see that. I probably would have been more engaged if we had seen it in the 3-D format for which it was intended, but alas.

She and I went back to her apartment after and began planning our October trip to NYC. She’d mentioned it earlier this month and I have been wanting to go back to the city for a while now. It’s probably not a good idea to visit the city alone, so I jumped on her suggestion when she asked if I’d be interested in the trip. There’s a concert there for one weekend only that she wants to see, and she’s never been there before.

The next morning, Eileen and I went to Spinelli’s Deli, our old breakfast stand by. She’s going to be moving to San Diego in June, and she’s been compiling an ever growing list of things she wants to do before the big move. Breakfast at Spinelli’s one more time can now be crossed off. She was telling me about her big idea for moving all of her belongings across the country. Perhaps on the high of planning the NYC trip with Christine, I asked her if she’d like company. The answer was an enthusiastic yes. So, if I can get vacation time, I’ll be going on a cross-country road trip in a van filled with Eileen’s clothes and furniture.

But that wasn’t all; in the spirit of spontaneity and road trips, Eileen asked me if I’d like some company for the trip I was about to make to Cincinnati. She went into her apartment, grabbed a book and her laptop and on to Cincy we went. She read while I sat in on a Plum St. pre-production meeting for next weekend’s commercial. Afterward, we went to be extras in a short video two Plum St. writers were filming across the river in Bellvue, Kentucky. It sounds like a fun concept; it’s intended to poke fun at Foursquare. I can’t wait to see it when it’s finished. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t on camera at any point but there’s a good chance Eileen was. Also, while we were there, she talked to her old roommate, who I was friends with as well, and it sounds like she’ll be going on our road trip with us as well. It was pretty serendipitous.

I dropped her off and went back to my aunt and uncle’s. That morning, I’d had an odd moment with them; I told my family before going to breakfast that Brandon would be moving in with some friends this week, and so I’d be going back to my apartment soon. My aunt said it has been nice having me there for a while, and I suddenly teared up. It has been nice for me especially, and I’m going to miss living with a family. They are not exactly the same as my family was when I was in high school, of course, but it has been so wonderful having a family to be around. There’s always someone home, and they ask how my day went and what’s going on with me, what I’m doing later. I know about their lives, what’s happening with them. We eat dinner together. We help each other out. Well, they help me out. I decided to make dinner for them one night this week as a thank you gesture. When I got home last night from my trip, my aunt told me I am more than welcome to come back on Thursday nights for our tradition of watching “The Office” all together. I can’t wait.

I feel really loved right now; I can’t really explain it, but this weekend was uplifting. Last weekend was great too, of course, with all those people celebrating my birthday with me. But this weekend was full of meaningful conversation and honesty, and general goodwill. Oh, and shopping. I just feel like I’m starting to think maybe I am going to be okay after all. Things are happening in my life in 2010, and I am going to welcome change. I am not usually a friend to change, and I find myself spending far too much time reminiscing about the “old days,” when things were so much better. Until suddenly there’s different “old days” to miss and I was too busy living in the past to appreciate them. I’m not taking the time to be glad for the good times going on right now, happening this second. I am staring dead straight into the rear view mirror, and since graduating from college, I have not taken two seconds to try to look at the future. I’m just stagnant, moving slowly forward while scrambling frantically to go back.

Today, I am looking forward to the future. I am appreciating the present. I’ve got big plans, people. This is kind of a cheese ball entry, but it’s what’s on my mind right now, so there. I have been sitting on my butt since I moved out of my apartment, but that resting time is over. It’s time to plan for the future, and for once, that idea is exciting instead of scary, even though it felt terrifying merely weeks ago.

We’re gonna be okay, and every part of me trusts that feeling. I have to listen to it, even if doesn’t make sense. Maybe that’s what they say having faith is like.