One step down a rocky road

Brandon sent me an e-mail Thursday morning letting me know he’d starting seeing someone. An hour later, it was live on Facebook, meaning it’s o-fficial. I’m not gonna lie, it was a surprise. And not the fun kind, like a birthday party with all your friends hiding behind your couch– more like a dagger to stomach? Surprise! But after thinking it over for a couple days, I know what I sort of knew the moment I read it; this is a good thing.

We broke up three months ago, and we are still friends, or at least friendly. There’s not much more I could ask for in the aftermath of the dissolving of a five year relationship. I want him to be happy; he wants the same for me. We are adults now. I was 18 when we started dating and now that I am 24 and we aren’t together anymore, a lot has changed. We were not right for each other. We were, at the very least, okay together, and he was my best friend. I spent most of my waking (non-working) hours with him, laughed with him, shared with him. But that isn’t enough. That’s not the glue that holds you together, it’s only part of it. And I want him to find the element(s) missing from our relationship with someone else, even though it doesn’t feel great to type or think that belief.

There was only one other person I ever considered being in a relationship with other than Brandon, and he found someone else just weeks before Brandon and I broke up. I’d foolishly convinced myself he’d always be there, but the timing of all this leaves me without a doubt that we were never intended to be together. We will also never be friends again.

Brandon’s announcement is part of my process of moving on, even though it’s a difficult milestone. I was so afraid of being alone and I thought for sure being with my dear, wonderful friend was better than being without him. But as we know, that wasn’t fair to either of us. For the first time in a LONG time I am realizing that maybe the person out there for me is someone I’ve not yet met. How frustrating it is to think that! This, the plight of the single person, I suppose. As my dad told me when Brandon and I broke up the first time, nearly three years ago, “You need to go find yourself a nice, non-Muskingum boy and settle down.”

At the time, my Muskie bubble was the only reality I knew and his idea seemed like a fate worse than death; how on earth are you supposed to meet someone AFTER college, I thought. College is an ideal dating setting, but we become different people post graduation. We grow up. College relationships only work if two people are able to grow together. In most of my friends’ cases, this seems to be possible. But as someone who went through some pretty big life changes my last semester of school, I think I needed some time to hash through those changes and move forward before I could be selfless enough to let someone else into my life. I never gave myself that time, so that time is now.

Wish me luck, will you?

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2 thoughts on “One step down a rocky road

  1. To everything, there is a season…

    Walking with you as you enter into a “hashing-through” one.

    With you in this.

    J

  2. You know without out a doubt that I’m wishing you luck a thousand times over as you explore this. Let me know if you need anything…I’ve been working on this same exact thing myself. 🙂

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