Time for a nervous breakdown

I got a text from my roommate yesterday morning advising me to borrow one of her scarves because as we’d decided the night before, the one scarf I brought, while very cute, is highly impractical.

“It’s really starting to feel like December outside,” she wrote.

I bolted upright in bed. I checked the calendar on my phone, and sure enough, it was December 1. That means I’ve lived in Chicago on days in three different months, even though I’ve barely been here 30 days. It also meant my rent was due, my car insurance and car payment are coming up and I am still sleeping on an air mattress in a barren room.

I rode the bus to work making a mental checklist of all the things I need to do, and fast, or else I am going to be seriously screwed. I need a job because the reality is, I’m going to be laid off from the department store in January. Even if they hired me on after the season ends, it wouldn’t be until February. And as much as I don’t mind retail, I don’t exactly want to make it my new career.

I work weird hours in the middle of the day with no time to get anything done in the morning and no energy to do anything when I get home. I’m making minimum wage and have no health insurance. I have no idea what I’m doing here or what the game plan is.

I feel like I have been pretty good about my money and making it last, but there’s also this thing where I bought a MacBook Pro. I’d been thinking about it for a while because the nature of the work I want to do almost requires one, and I’d at least decided I’d let myself get one with my first paycheck from the job that has yet to materialize. Instead, a couple weeks ago, I agreed to do a video assignment with a PC that couldn’t handle video. I freaked out and bought the MacBook to do it, at the time very seriously seeing no other way around it. The good news is, I really impressed my editor with the resulting video and I’ve been given more assignments since. The bad news is, in my mind, I will have to do 18 videos with that MacBook before I start considering the pay to be profitable.

Only 16 to go.

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