Last week I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He discovered that there is a tiny hole in the brand new, fancy eardrum he built for me out of my own ear cartilage.
But don’t worry, he’ll get to it during my next surgery this fall. Hopefully the same problems I’ve been having don’t repeat themselves in the mean time.
This surgery has been much more difficult to recover from than I could have imagined. And NOBODY TOLD ME it would be like this. My ear is still draining, so I still can’t wear my hearing aid. My hearing is significantly worse (and fluctuates, because of said draining and apparently now this new hole thing). My sense of taste is only just now completely returning, after my doctor casually mentioned weeks after that he’d cut the nerve that allows me to taste. That sure explained a few things, by the way.
My new hearing aids use up a battery every two or three days instead of two or three weeks, and this is an unplanned increase in an expense I wasn’t thrilled about to begin with.
I am swamped with hospital bills and it sounds like I’ll be seeing my ear doctor every three weeks for the foreseeable future. It’s stressful and frustrating and I thought I was done with all of this.
I will never be done with this.
I will never hear like a normal person and I will always be dependent on hearing aids, more than I ever was before. I will always need to have an ear specialist no matter where I go, no matter what I want to do in my life.
Some days it’s just too hard to not wallow in self-pity. I’d like to end this with some sentiment like, “It could be worse,” or “Other people have so many other horrible problems,” but my heart’s just not in it. I am pissed off and sometimes inconsolable. It’s not fair, and I am going to whine about it.
My second surgery will be sometime this fall, and I am already dreading it. I truly hope it will improve my hearing like my doctor expects, and my dad said he will come up for it. But it’s such a huge thing to think about and it’s already looming. Part of me just wishes I could get it over with, but I have to wait to see what happens to my ear in the mean time. And part of me is furious that I have to do it at all.
I chose the two-surgery option. I also don’t think I was given all the information, though. No one told me it would be this hard.
[Insert obligatory warm, fuzzy blog post ending here.]