It’s been a while, so here’s an unorganized, rambling post summing up what’s been going on lately.
My dad is getting married in December. He and his now-fiance will have been together three years as of Dec. 14, so they’ve selected that day to go make it official. He told me when they visited in July and, as of last week, the engagement is Facebook-official.
This is not necessarily an unexpected change, but it was still at least somewhat of a surprising one. It’s strange to think of my dad being married to someone other than my mom. I like his fiance a great deal, and as I always joke to others when describing her, more power to her if she is happy to take care of my dad. The two of them are really happy together in a world occupied only by them, miscellaneous baseball trivia, historical facts, and “Robot Chicken” re-runs, all of which they both inexplicably adore.
But in its own way, this engagement at times feels like yet another reminder that my mom is, in fact, still dead. That is just not changing, and big life news like this brings that knowledge to the forefront of my mind every time. It’s going to happen someday when I get married too — it just is. When my new niece is born any day now, I will remember that my mom is not here to meet her. That sucks, it will suck in the future, and that’s just true.
My dad’s wedding (or rather, visit to the court house) will be in mid-December, just weeks after the five-year anniversary of my mom’s death. It never ceases to be bizarre that she has been gone two, three and four years, so five will be a punch to the gut as well, I’m sure. They say it gets easier. Writing helps.
In other news, Kevin and I had a great time in Arizona with his family. His parents are awesome and I really got along with his brother and sister-in-law. We spent a lot of time outside and saw some beautiful areas in a completely new part of the country (to me).
After Arizona, we spent two days in San Diego with Eileen and Tim, eating seafood, playing board games and spending time on the beach by the ocean. The morning we left, before they took us back to the airport, Eileen asked me to be in her wedding, which seemed like the best possible note on which to end our vacation.
Here’s a video of our trip:
As far as my faulty ears are concerned, things are actually pretty much back to normal. My left ear kept getting infected post-surgery until finally my doctor made me promise to leave my hearing aid out for at least a week straight. Without anything encumbering it, he said my ear should heal with the help of some healthy air flow and the lack of a gross object.
Not wearing my left hearing aid is, to me, like you going to work without any pants. It’s embarrassing, it makes me not want to interact with other people, and it generally makes me feel like everyone is uncomfortable to be around me. But, my boss let me work from home for the first week. For a few days, I only interacted with Kevin and listened to really loud podcasts in our apartment. Maybe some people would get annoyed when I ask them to repeat something for a fourth time, but Kevin never did. I was able to get used to being without my aid, and I ended up leaving it out for most of July. This clearly did the trick, and it’s been fine ever since.
The downside is, I was supposed to make an appointment for the end of August and I never did, so now I have to motivate myself to do that even though things are finally not sucking. It’s really hard to call and schedule a time to see that guy, when every time I do, he gives me more terrible news.
I expressed this to Kevin this weekend, and hinted that I thought maybe I should just not ever go back, and he actually got kind of pissed.
“You absolutely have to go,” he said, which sounded strange coming from someone who has spent a good part of our relationship frustrating me by not having direct opinions on things I should and should not do.
I knew he was right. It still sucks, though. Someone bug me about this at the end of the week, because there’s a good chance I’ll just be as happy as ever to continue not calling my doctor.
I had hoped to have my second ear surgery done by the end of 2012 since I’ve long since hit my health insurance deductible, but I’m not sure that can happen now. And as it gets colder this fall, I’m sure I’ll feel less like turning myself over to what I know now will be a winter-long recovery. It’s hard to face, and I’m afraid I’m just not brave in the way times like this call for you to be. I can easily be obstinate, annoyed, angry, and helpless — but brave is not in my nature, especially after that first surgery/recovery. It really threw me, and the idea of going through it all over again is daunting.
There’s much more to write about, but for now, those are the highlights. It has been such a fun summer, full of good food, time outside with friends, visits from loved ones, and travelling to new places. I hope everyone has had a great three months, and thanks to those who have made mine so memorable.