Things I Have To Do That I Can’t Even Think About Right Now: A List

  1. Someday face my landlord after sending him that letter saying I’m subletting my apartment for the last nine months of my 12-month lease
  2. Find a subtenant willing to take on a nine-month sublease
  3. Pack up or toss two-and-a-half years of accumulated belongings, minus the things my now ex-boyfriend bought and took with him, which include but are not limited to: the pasta strainer; the ladle; knives of any kind other than butter; all the batteries for the smoke detectors; and the record player
  4. Save up hundreds of dollars for a move, date TBD, but most likely July 31
  5. Drop hundreds more dollars on a security deposit and first month’s rent at a new place, location TDB, hopefully in/near Lincoln Square and not in Schaumburg/Hell
  6. Make nice with a stranger who will be my new roommate, after not having a roommate whom I wasn’t also dating for the last two-and-a-half years
  7. Convince stranger/roommate to let me get a cat
  8. Accept my new identity as a 28-year-old cat lady

And this is how I will assimilate to my new life. Just think of all the money I’ll save on utilities and also on dating! I’ll be free to spend it all on cat litter and half of a Comcast bill that’s somehow $90 even though it’s for internet-only. It’s gonna be the best. Let the apartment search begin.