I spent the weekend getting to know my roommates a little better and setting up my new room. Christina took me to a couple stores to get some things for my room as well as bedding and towels to use until I can get my stuff from back home. She loaned me some shelves to use in the bathroom, and just something as simple as setting up my every day hair products (yes, plural — what?) and shower stuff in there made me feel more at home. Christina and John helped me put together these cool cube shelves I have always wanted and finally now own. Bonus: they match the small assortment of furniture I have stored in Caldwell.
There was a moment Sunday evening when I had a mini freak out. One second I was feeling really proud of myself for getting so much accomplished and then a moment later I was in tears, wondering what the hell I’m doing in this city with no income, familiar faces, family or a plan. It was a little overwhelming. But it passed; talking to family and friends helps these spurts of loneliness and uncertainty immensely.
I haven’t really taken the time to define success or failure in this venture, and I think it’s really doing a number on me. Who knew I liked stability this much?
I’ve been saying that the best case scenario for me being out here would be landing a job editing a sitcom, TV show or film, or else doing public relations for a nonprofit I really care about. Failure, I kept joking, would be running out of cash and having to hitchhike to Ohio in the dead of winter. But really, there’s a lot of middle ground in there that I am not accounting for. Working in retail isn’t failure, it’s what’s going to keep me afloat for an undetermined amount of time. I’m doing okay, even if I don’t always feel like I am. I’m working hard toward my goal, which for now, is just staying here. Being in Chicago. I’ve gotten a lot done in two weeks, and it’s been a lot of fun.
For example, today I found a pair of new Uggs for $5. I was walking back from the Red Line on Belmont toward a bus stop and saw a store I thought might have some clothes I could wear to work at the department store. They didn’t, but they did have furry boots! I used to think Uggs were hideous, and as you can imagine there was a witty pun somewhere in my insults of them. But I’ve since changed my mind. I’d never pay full price, but you really can’t walk away from a pair of designer boots for a price less than Walmart’s crappy version of them.
The department store has a strict dress code of black tops, bottoms and shoes. You can wear a different colored blouse or other shirt under something else black, but that’s about it. Christina was nice enough to lend me some clothes and today I found some cheap but nice looking stuff.
Today I filled out paperwork at a temp agency for a one-day gig I mentioned before. It turns out I’m not allowed to blog about that, either. We’ll see how much they pay me for the day and then we’ll talk. At least I found out which show I’ll be seeing taped. It’s not that exciting, trust me.